


a merry little christmas

by potatwoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Christmas Party, Drinking, Fluff, Holidays, Long-Distance Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, a few other members are mentioned very briefly, and i luv nct what a great combo, i just really wanted to write something lmao, i luv the holidays, some angst if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 12:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17224388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatwoo/pseuds/potatwoo
Summary: jaehyun misses taeyong a little bit more during the holidays. taeyong promises that he'll be back one day.





	a merry little christmas

**Author's Note:**

> guess who got into nct this past year hah hha hah ah

**December 24 - 12:05 AM**

“Do you have any plans later today?” 

Jaehyun locked the door to the studio before catching up to Johnny, who’s waiting for him inside the elevator and keeping the doors open for him. They’ve just finished their radio show for the evening, a holiday-themed episode filled with wholesome stories sent in by viewers and fond Christmas memories shared by Jaehyun and Johnny themselves.

“I have a couple of family parties to go to in the afternoon, but that’s about it,” Jaehyun replied as he stepped into the elevator. 

Johnny pressed the button for the first floor before the neon red numbers above the elevator doors started its countdown from the 20th floor. “You’re not planning to go to Ten’s Christmas party?”

Jaehyun shrugged.

“I’m still thinking about it,” he said. “I’m not sure if I’ll be in the mood to party and be surrounded by a lot of people by then. But I’ll let you know if I decide to go.”

“Sounds good,” Johnny replied. The elevator then made a sound, letting them know that they're on the first floor, and they step out at the same time.

“But Jaehyun?” Johnny suddenly said. Jaehyun noticed Johnny’s voice turn a little softer, and he couldn’t help but turn his head to look at the older.

“Yeah?”

“I understand that the holidays have been a little tough for you to enjoy ever since Taeyong moved away,” Johnny began, “but I hope you don’t spend most of Christmas by yourself again like the past two years. You’ve got a lot of friends who would love to spend these next couple of days with you, Ten and myself included.”

Jaehyun smiled weakly at Johnny’s words, knowing that his best friend was speaking genuinely. At the same time, Jaehyun felt the weight in his heart get a little bit heavier at the thought of another year spent without Taeyong.

“Thanks, man,” Jaehyun replied. “I appreciate you.”

Johnny smiled at Jaehyun’s words before ruffling the younger’s hair and throwing a comforting arm over the other’s shoulders.

“Chin up, bro.”

 

 

**December 24 - 1:30 AM**

Jaehyun’s bedroom was illuminated with the fairy lights that he put up a few years ago, the brightness not offensive to the serene feeling of nighttime. The lights were a suggestion made by Taeyong, who knew that Jaehyun liked to read books before going to bed but was always too considerate to keep his bright floor lamp on whenever Taeyong slept over. The lights were a compromise of sorts, but Jaehyun decided to keep them up even after Taeyong left.

Jaehyun sipped the warm cup of hot chocolate that he prepared for himself as he patiently waited for a familiar notification to pop up on his laptop screen. A few seconds passed before he was notified of an incoming video call, which easily brought a smile to his face.

“Hi, babe.”

Taeyong smiled toothily at the fond greeting. He was bundled up in one of Jaehyun’s oversized sweaters with some of his faded pink hair peeking through the big hoodie, which easily made Jaehyun’s heart melt.

“Hi, love,” Taeyong replied. “How was your day?”

“It was nice,” Jaehyun said. “I spent the day helping Johnny with last minute errands before we did Enana.”

“How’s Johnny doing?”

“He’s great,” Jaehyun replied before suddenly remembering something. “He’s actually planning to propose to Ten before the year ends, if he hasn’t told you already.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened in surprise, to which Jaehyun chuckled at.

“How exciting!” Taeyong exclaimed. “All I hear is Ten whining about how Johnny needs to propose before he gets too old to get down on one knee.”

Jaehyun laughed at Taeyong’s words, not at all doubting that Ten has said something along those lines.

They spent the next twenty or so minutes catching each other up on their past few days and sharing information about everything and nothing. Once they were out of things to share, a comfortable silence filled the air for a good minute or two before Jaehyun spoke up.

“Hey, Tae?”

Taeyong looked up from the notebook he had been writing on and turned his attention to Jaehyun. “Yeah?”

“I miss you.”

Taeyong flashed a smile, one that’s much less brighter than the smile that spread on his face when they first started video chatting. 

“I miss you, too,” Taeyong replied. “You should go to Ten’s Christmas party. I think surrounding yourself with some close friends will do you good.”

Jaehyun hummed, acknowledging Taeyong’s words.

“Do you have any Christmas plans?” He decided to ask.

“I’ll be spending time with some friends,” Taeyong replied. “One of them is throwing a party, and I think it’ll be a fun time.”

Jaehyun nodded and watched as Taeyong closed his notebook before setting it aside. He then looked at the time on his phone and pursed his lips, as if he were thinking about something.

“Everything okay?” Jaehyun asked.

“Yeah,” Taeyong replied, snapping out of his thought bubble, “but I actually have to go now. I have to go to an appointment, then I’ll be sending off a friend who’s going out of town.”

“Ah, okay,” Jaehyun said before half-jokingly adding, “I wish you were the one going out of town.”

“It’ll be me one day,” Taeyong replied. “Just wait, baby.”

“Looking forward to that day,” Jaehyun said, “whenever that may be.”

Taeyong smiled.

“I’ll call you soon,” he said. “Bye. I love you!”

“I love you, too!”

The two waved at each other and blew fond little kisses before ending the call.

 

 

**December 24 - 7:00 PM**

Jaehyun loved his family, he really did. But sometimes being surrounded by too many relatives all at once could get overbearing, especially when too many of them were throwing too many of the same questions at him.

_Yes, I’m still not straight._

_Yes, Taeyong and I are still dating._

_No, we do not plan on breaking up anytime soon._

_Yes, I would love to marry him one day._

_Adoption is an option, but that's a conversation for many years from now._

Now granted, Jaehyun normally answered such personal questions with ease because he’s speaking from the heart. But the questions seemed to hit a little differently during the holidays, when the questions and the handful of fallen expressions in response to his honest answers got too repetitive in such a short period of time.

By the time that he left the last family party, Jaehyun was a little burnt and hellbent on going to Ten’s Christmas party. The idea of being surrounded by a less scrutinizing and more welcoming crowd of people, a family by choice rather than by blood, definitely seemed like something he needed in order to stay sane. 

Well, that idea and a few servings of soju in his system.

 

 

**December 24 - 8:30 PM**

“Holy shit. I don’t know how you do that, Jaehyun.”

“I want to gag just from thinking about downing a bottle of soju that fast.”

Jaehyun laughed at Taeil’s and Yuta’s words as he put down the now-empty bottle of grape soju on the kitchen counter, right next to the large cluster of other empty bottles that have been abandoned by their owners sometime during the evening. Taeil and Yuta still had at least a quarter of soju left in their respective bottles after Jaehyun beat them in the impromptu drinking competition that Yuta initiated.

“If only I could add ‘drinking soju like it’s water’ on my resume,” Jaehyun lightheartedly said, making the other two laugh.

It was Jaehyun’s third bottle of soju in the span of the hour and a half that he’s been at Ten’s party, but it’s only now that he’s started to feel the world truly spin.

“I know you’re a tank and all, but are you still doing fine?” Yuta asked with slight concern when he noticed Jaehyun massage his forehead for a few seconds.

“Yeah, I’m good, just getting a bit dizzy,” Jaehyun replied. “But that’ll go away soon.”

He felt his cheeks get increasingly warm, and he knew that his glow was getting worse by the minute, so his fuzzy mind decided that it was only logical that he steps out to the balcony to let the cold air cool his body down.

“I’ll be right back,” Jaehyun said, waving at his two friends before heading out.

The balcony was rather spacious, and was high enough in the apartment building to give a generous view of the bustling city. The night was cold, and it didn’t take long before a cold breeze passed by and tickled Jaehyun’s skin as he stood next to the railings.

From his peripheral, Jaehyun could see Mark and Donghyuck talking and laughing quietly with one another on the opposite side of the balcony, hands intertwined between them. It hadn’t been long since they began dating, and anyone who saw them could easily tell they were in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Not because they were all over each other at every given moment, but because they were finally expressing the sweet gestures and affectionate words that they deprived themselves of before getting together. They were still a bit shy about their public displays of affection, even among their friends, which only laced their newfound relationship with a sweet hint of innocence.

The sight of Mark and Donghyuck easily reminded Jaehyun of his own relationship with Taeyong when they first started dating five years ago. He remembered that feeling of excitement he had from knowing he can finally express his romantic feelings for the other without a fear of rejection. To this day, he still felt so lucky to be able to share such emotional and physical intimacy with Taeyong and to have such deep feelings of love be reciprocated.

Jaehyun missed Taeyong, but he knew that bitching and moaning about it to his friends wouldn’t change the fact that Taeyong was living in another country for God knows how long. Sometimes he even felt guilty for telling Taeyong himself that he missed him because wanting to hold onto someone who was creating an amazing livelihood 6000 miles away from home felt selfish. The two of them have certainly made efforts to visit each other at least once a year, but money was tight and the holidays were always the most expensive time to go on vacation.

Jaehyun felt like a broken record in his own mind for constantly thinking about the woes of his long distance relationship, the dynamic that’s existed for three out of the five years they’ve dated, but he couldn’t help it. Once he got a taste of what life was like with someone special by his side, it was pretty hard to spend such long periods of time away from that special someone.

The longer Jaehyun thought about this topic, the stronger his headache became. Taking a deep breath, Jaehyun collected as much of his last bits of soberness as he could before walking back into the apartment.

Just as Jaehyun entered the apartment, Ten’s voice reached his ears as the older called his name.

“Jaehyun!”

“Ten?” Jaehyun called back, scanning his surroundings before spotting said person. Ten waved as he walked over to Jaehyun.

“How are you?” Ten asked, raising his voice just a tad bit so that he can be heard over the loud Christmas music playing over the speakers.

Sober Jaehyun wanted to say he’s fine, but increasingly intoxicated Jaehyun ended up blurting a much more honest, “I miss Taeyong! I love him so much.”

So much for keeping those feelings to himself.

Ten chuckled.

“He loves and misses you, too,” He reassured Jaehyun, patting the latter’s glowing cheeks. Jaehyun smiled at the reminder, feeling his heart swell up once again at the thought of Taeyong loving him back.

“Hey,” Ten suddenly said, “How about we go out and get you some drunchies-slash-comfort food? Johnny and I were already planning to get some for a few others.”

Jaehyun felt his stomach growl at the thought of getting some greasy and unhealthy fast food into his drunken system, and so he quickly nodded.

“Oh god, yes please.”

 

 

**December 24 - 9:15 PM**

As Jaehyun took a bite out of his hashbrown patty, the third one out of the nine he ordered, he noticed that the scenery going back to Ten’s place was much different from the scenery going to the fast food place. It then hit him that Johnny had been driving on the freeway for a good twenty minutes already, which shouldn't be the case when the fast food place was only a ten-minute drive from Ten’s apartment.

“Wait a second, where are we going?” Jaehyun curiously asked after swallowing his food. He closed his eyes in an effort to stop his head from spinning when he looked away from the window and towards his friends at the front seat.

“Ten and I actually offered to pick up Lucas from the airport,” Johnny replied, glancing at Jaehyun through his rear view mirror. The younger’s mouth formed a small ‘o’ at the new information. “Sorry I forgot to tell you.”

“It’s cool, but I could’ve sworn I saw Lucas drinking out of a wine bag earlier,” Jaehyun thought out loud before deciding that he didn’t want to dwell on that any longer. Pointing a new piece of hashbrown towards his friends, Jaehyun added, “If I throw up because of this longer-than-expected car ride, it’s on you guys. I’m an innocent man.”

“If I kill you because you threw up in my car, that’s on you,” Ten said from the passenger seat, turning to look back at Jaehyun. “I’m an innocent man.”

“I’m kidding~” Jaehyun broke into a dimpled smile that could probably restore world peace. He nudged the hashbrown that he was pointing towards the other, as if it was an olive branch, and the latter amusedly took a bite out of it. “I love you, Ten! You’re such a good best friend to my baby Taeyong!”

“I love you, too, Jae,” Ten laughed, taking the whole hashbrown after Jaehyun’s long effort to hand the whole piece to him. Without looking away from the road, Johnny opened his mouth as a silent request for Ten to feed him, which the other happily did.

“Did you know that Johnny’s gonna ask you to--”

“We’re here!” Johnny immediately cut Jaehyun off from his unfiltered rambling as he quickly pulled over to the curb near a terminal entrance. Ten didn't seem to mind the change in topic as he eagerly turned his attention to the view outside his window.

As Ten did that, Johnny gave Jaehyun a look that said _finish-that-question-and-I-will-strangle-you_. Immediately realizing what he was about to spoil, Jaehyun gave an sheepish smile and mouthed, “Sorry.”

“You’re so gone,” Johnny half-jokingly said, his voice meant to be a whisper but was loud enough for Ten to also hear.

“What?” Ten asked, his attention going back to his two friends.

“Nothing, babe,” Johnny replied, and Jaehyun gave a thumbs up to second that. Ten gave them a look that definitely said he didn't believe them, but he didn't question it.

“Anyway,” Johnny said. “You and Jaehyun should go in first while I find parking.”

“Okay,” Ten replied. “We’ll see you in a bit.”

 

 

**December 24 - 9:35 PM**

“Hey, Johnny called,” Ten said. Jaehyun and he were currently waiting by the arrival ramp next to several other people who were waiting for their family and friends to come out. “He said that he’s having a hard time finding this terminal since he parked at a structure that’s a bit out of the way, so I’ll go out and find him. Will you be okay by yourself?”

“I can find him instead if you want,” Jaehyun suggested, already straightening himself up from the ramp he was leaning against.

“No, it’s fine,” Ten quickly said, and Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at the abrupt reply. “I mean, I don’t want you to walk too much while you’re still feeling a bit dizzy.”

Jaehyun was about to disagree and assure Ten that he was no longer feeling dizzy, but he knew that Ten wasn’t the type to change his mind immediately. He was also not quite sober yet and didn't trust himself to find his way back to the right terminal even though he was aware of his surroundings, so he caved in.

“Alright,” Jaehyun said. “I guess I could also give the rest of my hashbrowns to Lucas and his bottomless pit of a stomach.”

“I told you not to buy nine of them.”

“I told myself, too, but here we are,” Jaehyun replied, and Ten laughed. “Please bring some water on your way back.”

“Got it.”

 

**December 24 - 9:45 PM**

Jaehyun glanced at the time on his phone and sighed. It felt like light years since Ten left him by himself even though it’s only been ten minutes. He was getting antsy because his drunk side always had the urge to not be in the same place for long periods of time, but he forced himself to pull through and stay still.

When he noticed people starting to talk a little louder and move around even just the slightest bit, Jaehyun took that as his cue and figured that the passengers from the flight were starting to make their way out of the arrival ramp. Without moving away from his spot, Jaehyun began to pay closer attention to the faces of those who were slowly coming out of the ramp with their carts filled with luggages of all sizes.

As a yawn escaped Jaehyun’s lips, his expression froze the moment he made eye contact with someone who he definitely knew but who definitely wasn’t Lucas. The person flashed a toothy smile and did a little wave while his other hand continued to push the very full cart in front of him with just a bit more speed.

Jaehyun knew he wasn’t drunk enough to be hallucinating at that very moment, but his emotions were definitely hitting him more intensely than usual, especially as Taeyong got closer and closer to him until they were finally standing face-to-face.

“I told you it’ll be me one day,” Taeyong said, referring to last night’s conversation.

“Tae….”

Jaehyun was at a complete loss of words at that moment, so he decided to not finish his trail of thoughts and instead let his actions speak for itself as he pulled Taeyong in for the kiss that he had been longing for for so long.

Taeyong smiled against Jaehyun’s lips and wrapped his arms around the other’s neck, sighing contently before deepening their kiss without hesitation.

“I can't believe you’re really here,” Jaehyun said after they pulled away, pressing their foreheads together. They were slightly out of breath from the kiss, but they didn't care.

“I’m really here, love.”

“And your hair is red.”

“Redder than ever.”

“Even though it was just pink last night.”

“I had a hair appointment before my flight,” Taeyong replied. “Didn’t want to see the love of my life with faded hair.”

“You’re beautiful either way,” Jaehyun assured as he felt his eyes start to sting. “God, I’m really about to cry over how beautiful you are.”

Taeyong laughed.

“You must be a little tipsy right now,” Taeyong observed, gently caressing Jaehyun’s still-pinkish cheeks. Jaehyun nodded in confirmation, smiling sheepishly before Taeyong closed the gap between their lips once more.

“You’re such a big, drunk softie,” Taeyong teased, looking up at Jaehyun and wiping the tears that were pooling in the corner of the younger’s eyes.

“Wait, no, don't start crying because I'm crying,” Jaehyun said when he noticed Taeyong’s own glistening eyes, “or else I’ll bawl.”

“I can't help it,” Taeyong laughed timidly, and Jaehyun quickly wiped the stray tears that escaped onto the other’s cheek. Taeyong continued to stare up at Jaehyun, seeming as if he wanted to say something but was hesitating to get to it.

“What is it, babe?” Jaehyun softly asked, a hand still on the other’s cheek.

“Nothing,” Taeyong replied, shaking his head as if he were snapping out of something. “It’s just really been so long.”

“Taeyong!”

Ten, appearing out of nowhere with Johnny in tow, excitedly ran over to his best friend and pulled him for a tight hug. Taeyong, just as thrilled, returned the hug that his best friend gave him. Jaehyun simply watched the sight unfold, happy that the two were able to reunite as well.

“Holy shit, you’re so hot with red hair,” Ten raved as he stepped back to take in Taeyong’s features. Taeyong laughed and waved off the comment, too modest to take the compliment. “For real though, I’ve missed you so much!”

“I’ve missed you, too,” Taeyong replied, and the two met each other halfway for another hug. “I don't know how we managed to live without each other for so long.”

“Right?” Ten said. “I’m about to handcuff us together so we don't part ways again.”

“Sorry to break this sweet moment,” Johnny said as the best friends let go of each other, “but I’m currently parked illegally and I’m not trying to get a $300 ticket, so it'd be great if we start heading out. And hi, Taeyong--love the hair and missed you dearly.”

 

 

**December 24 - 10:30 PM**

The car ride back home was a sobering experience for Jaehyun, though he easily got lost in the way that Taeyong told a million and one stories about his time abroad. He talked about the students he taught at workshops, the famous dancers he collaborated with, and the places he’s performed at. He raved about the hole in the wall food places he’d gone to, the beaches he spent many days soaking up the sun in, and the museums he wandered around during his free days. 

So many emotions came out of Taeyong during the span of the car ride as he told his stories, from excitement and amused to annoyed and bothered, which elicited the same responses from everyone in the car.

Jaehyun would be lying if he said that he paid attention to every little detail of Taeyong’s narratives because more often than not he found himself just staring at the older and memorizing every little feature on the other’s face (though he's certain that by now he knows them like the back of his hand). Having Taeyong sitting right next to him in the car, their hands intertwined and resting comfortably on Jaehyun’s lap, was a bit surreal at the moment. It was so surreal that Jaehyun was almost afraid to look away from Taeyong in case the latter would suddenly disappear.

“So you’re saying that you, an up-and-coming dancer and choreographer, also landed a few modeling gigs for high-end brands while you were abroad?” Ten asked. “I’m so amazed, but I'm not surprised. You’ve had talent running through your veins since forever.”

“You’re just flattering me,” Taeyong humbly replied.

Jaehyun watched as Taeyong’s cheeks flushed a rosy color and smiled at the sight.

“I really don't get how you and Ten haven't collaborated yet,” Johnny said from behind the steering wheel. “Two good-looking best friends who are professional dancers. Throw in a dance, a song, and a music video, and the world will go crazy.”

“Babe, your mind!” Ten exclaimed before immediately turning back to Taeyong with a pinky out. “Promise me we’ll do that one day.”

“We’re dancers, not singers,” Taeyong replied, though he still went on to hook his pinky with Ten’s.

“Ten sings in the shower, you have a boyfriend who can easily teach you a vocal note or two--” 

“And has probably made you hit all kinds of notes in bed, let's be real--”

“Ten!” Taeyong exclaimed, his cheeks easily firing up.

“Am I wrong, though?”

Taeyong could only respond by letting go of Jaehyun to push Ten and his cheeky smile away with the palm of his hand, which only made Ten laugh some more. Jaehyun laughed as well before gently pulling Taeyong closer to him until he could plant a soft, soothing kiss on his temple. He then wrapped an arm over the other’s shoulders as their fingers interlocked once more.

“Ten who?” Taeyong asked. “I only know a Johnny now, and he’s my new best friend.”

“Wow, I'm so honored,” Johnny played along. “I suddenly don't know a Ten, either.”

“I feel so betrayed,” Ten said, shaking his head in faux disappointment. Johnny chuckled before he went on to pat Ten on his thigh as a gentle reminder that his last few words were far from the truth.

“You can replace Johnny as my best friend, Ten,” Jaehyun lightheartedly suggested. “We can be gym buddies and shoot some hoops 24/7.”

“Oh god, you’re radiating too much bro energy right now,” Ten jokingly said in disgust. “Thanks, but I’d rather have no friends than spend a whole day at the gym.”

The rest of the ride back was filled with similar playful banters, with each person having several chances to poke fun at someone else in the car. This had been their dynamic since they were in college, even before relationships blossomed among their small little group. 

But at the end of the day, when all jokes were put aside, Taeyong, Johnny, and Ten were easily the three people who Jaehyun trusted with his whole life.

 

 

**December 24 - 11:43 PM**

Everyone at Ten’s party were pleasantly surprised by Taeyong’s sudden appearance and were quick to make him feel at home the moment he arrived. Taeyong was pulled into all sorts of directions, called over by anyone and everyone who wanted to hear about how life has been the past few years. Jaehyun initially followed Taeyong around until Taeil invited him to play some drinking games with a few other guys, to which Taeyong encouraged him to join so he didn't have to listen in on virtually the same stories.

But soon enough, Taeyong finished making his rounds in catching up with as many people as he could and walked over to where Jaehyun was playing beer pong, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention.

Jaehyun finished his turn before turning around to face Taeyong. He was ready to greet him, but Taeyong simply nodded his head towards the balcony before heading out first.

Jaehyun got the message, asking his friend-slash-hypeman Doyoung to fill in for him for the rest of the game before following Taeyong out the sliding door.

As Jaehyun stepped out into the balcony, the air much colder than earlier, he spotted Taeyong casually leaning against the railings and looking down at the city below him. He had a bottle of beer on one hand and took a sip out of it every few seconds. Without saying a word, Jaehyun walked over to the spot next to Taeyong and rested his hand on the other’s back as he also took in the view of the city.

Taeyong turned his head at the contact, exchanging a small smile with Jaehyun as he leaned just a tad bit closer to the younger’s chest

“Hello,” Taeyong greeted. His cheeks were now the ones sporting the light pink glow, making him look even cuter than he already was.

“Hi,” Jaehyun replied. “How’s the party been for you?”

“Fun,” Taeyong said. “It was nice to see some familiar faces after so long. I also didn't realize how much I’ve missed hearing a lot of the guys’ distinct laughters until I heard them again. Lucas’s laugh still terrifies me a bit, but it's okay.”

Jaehyun chuckled.

“I’m glad you had the chance to catch up with everyone,” Jaehyun said. “Even if it means restoring your fear of Lucas’s laugh.”

Taeyong laughed softly before taking one last sip of his beer before tossing the empty bottle into to the makeshift recycle bin near him, a clinking noise filling the air for a short moment as the bottle collided with other glasses in the bin. 

A couple of minutes passed in silence before Taeyong spoke up.

“I’m only expressing this now because I guess I got enough shots into my system to want to say this out loud, but….” 

A quick pause and a deep breath was enough for Jaehyun to start worrying about how Taeyong was going to continue that sentence.

“For the past five years you’ve showed me what love is, even from 6000 miles away,” Taeyong said, “whether it’s in the way that you encouraged me to follow what used to feel like unreachable dreams, the way that you keep me grounded when I start to get lost in my thoughts and insecurities, or even just in the way that you send me care packages filled with snacks and photos of your daily life here.”

Taeyong’s words were sweet, but Jaehyun couldn't ignore the umbrella of melancholy that was laced with each word.

“You love me so deeply, and I'm so grateful for all your efforts to make our relationship last,” Taeyong continued. “But…”

In that moment, Taeyong’s eyes began to water as he desperately tried to blink away his tears. Jaehyun wiped Taeyong’s eyes, making sure he didn’t miss a single tear.

“But sometimes I wonder if I’m being selfish?” Taeyong said, seeming a little unsure if he was using the right word to express his feelings. “I’m constantly receiving your love, but recently I’ve been feeling like I’m lacking as a boyfriend and not returning the same amount of love to you. Or at least the kind of love that you deserve.”

“Babe, you’re worrying me…” Jaehyun softly admitted. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m not breaking up with you, if that’s what you think,” Taeyong clarified, which immediately lifted a weight off of Jaehyun’s shoulders. However, there was still a pain in Jaehyun’s chest as he anticipated whatever else Taeyong wanted to say.

“I just…” Taeyong said, his voice trailing off for a couple of seconds as he gathered his thoughts. “I want to be a better boyfriend for you, but I don’t know how to do that or if I can even do that. I love you so much, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, but if you feel like I’m not… I’m not as present or as loving of a partner as I was before, then….”

Taeyong struggled to finish his sentence and instead shrugged timidly, his lips quivering as he tried not to break down into sobs. Though Taeyong didn’t voice the rest of his thoughts, Jaehyun was able to fill in the blank and shook his head frantically before enveloping Taeyong in a big hug, which immediately caused Taeyong to crack.

“In the five years that we’ve dated, there has never been a day where I felt like you didn’t love me enough,” Jaehyun began. “Not when we’re in the same place and not when we’re thousands of miles apart. I love you so much, and I constantly think about how lucky I am to have a special place in your heart. It’s tough when we do long distance, and I miss you when you’re away, but long distance has never made me question your love for me.

“Please don’t ever think that you’re not enough,” Jaehyun continued. “You’re the love of my life, and I don’t plan on breaking up with you anytime soon.”

Jaehyun felt Taeyong hug him just a little bit tighter, and he responded to the gesture by comfortingly running his fingers through the other’s red hair.

“I’m sorry for dropping this emotional bomb on you all of a sudden,” Taeyong said with a sniffle, his voice muffled against Jaehyun’s sweater, “and for not telling you until I was a few drinks in.”

“You have no reason to apologize,” Jaehyun replied. “This seems like something that’s been bothering you for a while now, and I wouldn’t want you to keep your feelings bottled in any longer. Thank you for being honest with me, even if it took a few drinks for you to gain the confidence to.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Jaehyun gently tilted Taeyong’s chin up before closing the gap between them and kissing the other on the lips. Taeyong returned the kiss, and the two easily got caught up in the moment, caring the least bit about how much time was passing between them.

But soon after, a bunch of excited but distant yells filled the once-mellow air as red, green, and gold fireworks shot up in the otherwise dark blue sky above the city, which prompted the two to briefly pull away from their kiss.

 

 

**December 25 - 12:00 AM**

“Merry Christmas, love,” Taeyong whispered, their faces just centimeters apart.

“Merry Christmas, love” Jaehyun repeated, and the two smiled softly at one another before closing the gap between them once more.

 

 

 

 

_Through the years we all will be together_  
_If the fates allow_  
_Hang a shining star upon the highest place_  
_So have yourself a merry little Christmas_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed my first nct fic here on this site! and i hope your holidays were filled with lots of love and happiness :-) if you haven't watched jaehyun's cover of "have yourself a merry little christmas" pls do yourself a favor and watch it asap!!!!! i cry


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